AArgh. I’ve had some sunshine so it shouldn’t be the SAD hitting me. But I am feeling particularly rubbish today. Why? Hmmm, probably best addressed in stages.
Exam. I’ve registered to take it again. But I’m failing to do much work for it. I do a little work then get distracted or bored. I knida feel I should withdraw and do it next time, but will I ever get my arse in gear? I’m not sure if its that I don’t know how to revise best for me, or if I don’t revise properly and convince myself I know things or what. I think if I had someone supervising me then I’d do work, so why can’t I do it for myself? I do questions. Score not very much and then do nothing. So if I withdraw this time is it going to help? probably not as I’ll just feel that I’ve wasted time. If I fail again then that’ll add to the rubbishness and be expensive.
Time. That’s another one. I’m sat on my arse on annual leave doing nothing. I thought about going shopping as I need an outfit for a ball, but I’m broke. Not as broke as lots of my friends but broke for me (I know I get paid more than most, but I can still be broke when I’ve bought a new car, and paid 800 quid exam fees and insured the new car and paid for holiday, ok so most of those things are nice things, except the exam fees) so I shouldn’t really be spending anything at the moment. I’ve put off sorting out my house as I’ve been trying to revise. I really don’t need house and home turning upside down at the moment cos it’ll really put revision off. And I’ve got a messy house, so I should be sorting that out and cleaning and stuff (and unpacking) but instead I sit around pretending to revise.
Job applications. I just want to know whats going on with this stupid stupid rubbish MMC thing. Should hear about interviews if I’ve got any this weekend (when I’m away, sigh). If i haven’t then I’m really not sure what I’ll do apart from cry for a very long time. If I have got some then have to prepare portfolio and get time off work and learn all the stuff I’ll be asked there.
And I’m crap at dieting. This is annoying me most, but probably the most difficult to talk about. I know its all my fault and I have lost some weight (and felt good and looked better, but was still fat) but when I got streessed I put it all back on. Why aren’t any of these things easy?
I guess I’m getting overwhelmed by the big longterm things. Cos at the moment I am quite happy. I have a nice home and have just been on holiday. I’ve got a lovely boyfriend who loves me a lot (but does some stupid things! I didn’t tell you about the cerial bowl incident, did i? Well Andrew agreed to feed Beryl while I was holidaying. One night he couldn’t find the cup I use to transfer food from packet to cage, so he picked up a cerial bowl and used that. Instead of depositing the food from the cage, as is normal, he gave Beryl the bowl (as it looked cute!). I confiscated her food bowl a long time ago as the harsh mother I am, as she kept throwing it on the floor with all the food in it. Anyway back to anecdote. Then Andrew didn’t retrieve the bowl as Beryl had thrown it on the floor. And it got covered with slugs too. Eeeugh. I used to eat out of this bowl, but after its slug filled rabbit food fulled adventures it’ll now be housing a plant!) and I’m quite fond of him. I’ve got loving family. I like my job. I’m finantially secure. I have excellent friends and a new car.
So I guess the only option is to stop moping and do something. Expect I’ll feel better when some of the things on my to-do list are crossed off, even if the long term ones that are stressing me most are still hanging there.
Aarghhhhhh.
You’ve either done it, thought about it, or at least heard about it.
You’re more than a little gross, but probably no more gross than the average person.
You are understanding and very empathetic.
"So, you’re a cannibal." 