Liz Going On

Blogging when tired from a night shift probably isn’t the best idea but I’m so fed up.

Fed up with the stress of the job situation and exams and assessments at work. It feels like there’s been chaos in my life for months. I’m reasonable reassured that I’ll have a job in August, but I’ve still got to have an interview in Manchester. 

One of the consultants who is coordinating the interviews left me off an important email on Friday. So other people have been contacted over the weekend and have booked interviews, but I haven’t as I was missed off the email. They had to contact people like this as the stupid MTAS website is down as the fuckwits had a massive security breach last week. I’ve emailed and phoned people to try and get an interview (which could be tomorrow!) but people aren’t where they should be.

I know there’s more interviews at the end of May, but I want it all to be sorted. Also there’s a job advertised at my hospital for a non training post. I really don’t know if I should apply or not. Of course a training job would be better, but if I’m unemployed in August then I’ll be really annoyed that I didn’t apply. But I’ve got so much on at the moment with revision and things that I don’t really want to be spending hours applying for jobs when I don’t really need to. But should I apply anyway? Aargh.

And the revision for the exam is getting to me. There’s so much to learn. I know loads, but the list of things to learn just doesn’t get any shorter. I’m fed up with it and I want my life back and I want to see friends and sing. But I don’t want to fail as then I won’t be able to take it again till October and it’ll riun my life for another 5 months.

And I’ve now finished my ICU block so I have an assessment to prepare for. Its almost all sorted but I’ve got to concoct a case list and other bits of paperwork. More jumping through hoops.

And I’ve got a 16 hour day at work tomorrow. I’m being viva-ed in the morning and then I have to work the 12-12 shift. I’ve not given an anaesthetic in three months (as I’ve been in ICU) so I’m a bit concerned about having to anaethetise people again. I’m sure I’ve not forgotten how, I just feel a little rusty.

Fed up grumpy liz. I’m going to go to bed now, but will be worken by my cleaner who is coming soon, cos I forgot to tell her not to come. But at least I’ll have a clean house at the end of it all. But first I might have a quiet weep I think. 

Night shifts suck. Last night there was a particularly poorly patient and I couldn’t help him. And he was young, (that’s young in a medical sense, not young as to normal people. Normal people would call him middle aged). Everyone tried so hard.

And I’m crap at dieting. Thinking about other life changing diet options at the moment. Maybe I’ll tell you all soon, maybe I won’t. But I’m def not doing well at all with the current strategy. Sigh.

Have lots of revision sessions arranged. Tomorrow afternoon with Rachel, when we’ll both learn things. Two sessions at work with two consultants grilling me for three hours next week, then a scary friend asking lots of questions on thursday night. Its going to be painful. It might even be humiliating but I need the practice.

Tueday is a bit if a crap day. Grilling at work from 9am. Then I’ve got to work the 12-12 shift. Grump. And I’m doing wednesday night. Grump again.

Grump grump grump. 

… when you get seven and a half hours sleep. No doubt the ones at the weekend won’t be so easy.

I’ve suddenly got an urge for a bbq. Maybe I’ll organise one as a post exams thing. Not that anyone would want to hang out in my yard with the bunny poo everywhere. Reggie is totally doing my head in. Grrrrr. Think Andrew needs to talk to his rabbit.

Time to learn more facts. 

I’ve just caught myself watching songs of praise.

I’ve been thinking for a while that I’ve got too much on.  Especially now I’ve got more exams in London to study for. And between now and then there’s 11 choir rehearsals/concerts plus a committee meeting. So I’ve decided that I have to have a break from choir.

I really don’t want to. I go slightly mad when I’m not singing, but its just too much. I’m still having crazy dreams/nightmares and would love and night’s sleep without waking up in a panic about something. So I’ve asked to take leave of absence till next season.

So instead of singing all day I’ve been really productive. A and I cleaned the yard to get over the bunny toliet problem. The rabbits are currently in confinement in the cage as they need to learn where the correct toilet it (and that’s not my back yard like they seem to think it is). I’ve cleaned the kitchen and made a really yummy lunch and now I’m going to revise till bedtime. 

Had a fab time singing last night. But might not get to do the concert as have messed up my on call swaps a bit. Think there’s been too much other stuff going on to think about them fully and I seem to have missed a few rehearsals. Will speak nicely to the conductor and see if I’m allowed to perform. Fingers crossed.

Seeing mum tonight, hurrah! Going for dinner to celebrate her birthday.

Still have ants. pah. 

I’ve not sung for ages, I’m really looking forward to it.

I’m slightly concerned I’m not going to make enough rehearsals between now and summer due to exam stuff.  Oh well, I’ll give it a go and see how far I get. 

Well I’ve been to Cardiff and come back again.

Yesterday was spent firstly doing some ‘reflective practice’ for my portfolio. Some was more retrospective than others. I managed 4 then gave up. You’re meant to reflect after an ‘interesting’ situation occurs, but I kinda did all of mine in one morning. Then I had an emergency trip to Marks and Spenser for something to wear to the interview!

The train trip down to Cardiff was lovely. I passed through Shrewsbury and spoke to Mum on the phone. I read all the gubbins I need to read before the interview (and some things actually came up! Hurrah!) and then I opened the wine I brought with me. I hadn’t really had chance to properly celebrate exam passing, so I did on the train.

I didn’t have that much wine, just over half a bottle, but I felt really drunk after it. It was a great way to spend a train journey and I’d certainly recommend it.

I arrived in Cardiff at about nine pm and a nice lady showed me where the hotel was. It was a bogstandard travelodge. Almost comfy. Not very quiet and very very hot. I went to sleep about half ten, but was awake pretty much from 4am. Sigh.

Anyway, I managed to get to where I was meant to be at the time I was meant to be there. Hurrah! I didn’t have copies of all the things they wanted, but I shall post them. And claim my expenses.

The interview was quite fun! I had to do a presentation (about me! which is always easy to talk about) and there was a very convincing actor to talk to. There were some clinical questions then a station about audit and research and statisitics. Thankfully as I’d done a level stats (quite a long time ago, but it was in my brain somewhere) I could explain nicely what the p vaule was and how it related to the null hypothesis! Hurrah!

Then the interview was over. So I walked to the station, got on a train 3 hours earlier than planned (thank you nice Mrs Trainguard) and am now home. And I can have a nice sleep before the night shift tonight.

I have come home to find an ant infestation, but its not too bad and I can deal with that later. 

I’d like to say thank you to you all, dear readers, for your kind words and comments and support. You’re all ace! and I love comments and you guys! Cheers. Having friends certainly makes life a lot lot better.

Time to have a nap then do some more revision then go to work. No rest for me!

*ok, so this isn’t strictly true. But its almost true. There were seagulls and everything but I didn’t actually clap eyes on the sea myself. 

Gosh, life has been a bit of a whirlwind recently.  I spent most of last week working in intensive care and preparing the immense portfolio needed for my interview. And panicing about the exam result, which thankfully turned out fine. Phew.

The exam I’ve passed is a bit like the theory driving test. So now I’ve passed it I have three years to pass the practical. Of course I’d like to pass that bit first time, so there’s much more revision to be done, but I will think about that when I’ve got back from Cardiff.

I worked the weekend so am tired today. Work wasn’t too bad, as weekends go, but they still leave me knackered.  I would have had a lie in, but I had lots to do before my train leaves at half five. Thankfully I now have something to wear, as my emergency trip to M&S was fruitful and I’ve got a nice new shirt.

Time to pack my bags. Back tomorrow, to go straight to a nightshift. Lucky me! 

I passed!

Hurrah.

Now that means I’ve got a interrorgation in London next month.  AARgh!